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There was nothing that he or anyone could have done to stop me. Around the time they started dating, Elliott stopped returning my emails.He was doing me a favor by cutting me off, but of course I didn't see it that way then. Recovery began when I finally started taking responsibility for my actions: I went to rehab for my alcoholism, and my addiction to sex and love. They tell you to take time away from dating, but I couldn't do that.When that relationship ended, I dated lots of people.

Everyone is capable of being honest about their feelings, wants, and needs.

Under the pretense of having something to do with school, we started exchanging emails daily.

Justin and Elliott were friends, and I kept my relationship with one from the other (and both, obviously, from Rick).

Never mind that he and I grew less compatible as we got older, he was everything my father wasn't. One night I drunkenly stumbled home with a guy I'd met at a party. This was how I justified my transgressions back then, by telling myself I couldn't control it. I quit my job and went back to grad school to become a writer. The problem was that — when it came to sex — these political and intellectual beliefs about sex made it that much harder to admit that my personal sexual conduct was problematic. Since Rick wanted to be with me, this was something he'd just have to accept. He and I would chat online all day when I was at work, and we started attending literary readings together in the evenings.

The first time I cheated on Rick, we were freshman in college and I was living in Mexico as a student abroad. We were seen together so often people started to assume we were dating. Never mind that I was still engaged to Rick at the time.

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